[Crandall] Thorsday the 3rd of September, 1800
We set out at Noone Tide because of a Heavy Reign1 that had descended around Midnite & did not let up until midday, leaving the River considerabley swollen & it took Sysiphaean Effort’s on our parte’s to fight against the currant. Here I had had High Hope’s of reaching New Babbylon this vary Day but these Hopes was dashed do2 to the inhospitability of the Element’s. The Strain was terrible on our pour3 Arms but we pushed on lest we drift backward’s. “By Grate Ceaser’s4 Salad!” ejackulated Sargent Hu. “If this keep’s up by the End of this Trip our Arms shall grow larger then our Legg’s & upon our Return we shall be mistook for Grate Ape’s!” In the afternoon we struck a dislodged Tree that had been floating just below the Surface & all tho no structural dammage was done unto Reason it was a mighty schock & one Mann that being Private Eastbroadway was flung overbored & since he is unabel to swim we feared for his Existance. But fortunately the Currant pushed him gently up upon a smooth rock sitting in the Midst of the River Fifty Anglickan Yard’s downstream, & so we simply stopped rowing for a moment, glided down to him, & genitally5 ladeled him up off said Rock. Eastbroadway smothered his Athena Idyll6 in kisses in thanxgiving for salvaging him, him along with the Men as a Hole7 being of a suprastitious caste of mind additionally taking this as a Sure Sign of the Godz being on our Side while I did not bother to present the counterargument that if that was the Case then they wouldn’t have let him be cast overbored in the first place nor would they have impeded us with the Downpore & it’s residual strong currant. We encamped on the north side of the river just miles from New Babylon, who’s Smoke we could detect on the Horizon but unfortunately could not reach, having travailed no moor than Nine Anglickan Miles this day.
[Murray] Thor’s-Day the 3rd of September, 1800
My Co-Capt. Captain Crandall arrived at mid-day today8. 3 Private’s & 2 Sargeant’s with him plus some auxiliary-rowers who won’t be joining us any-further. Crandall said he had named our boat Reason. A name as goode as any I guess. After dining I introduced him to the 5 expert Backwoods-Men I have acquired for our Expedition. Ellston Gonne, equally skilled in killing Game & singing & playing songs on his Guitar who shall be our Orpheos. Felix Cervantes, of Spanish extraction, an Excellent Hunter & a wonder-full Cook, wondrous-skinny as-well, all-most skeletal. The Kaye Bros., Daniel & Franz, Twins, both true Son’s of the Wilderness, adept Hunter’s & Butcher’s who can practically read one-another’s Minds, but wondrous-annoying some-times. Jean Coultier, a smooth-faced Youth of Gaulish-Extraction, versed-in a few Auto-Chthonick Languages, an experienced Hunter & Trapper. Mutually decided to embark the day after tomorrow some preparation’s still needing to be made.
[Crandall] Fryday the 4th of September, 1800
We set out just before Don & arrived at New Babbeylon at around High Noon, this bustelling Settlement Towne in the Primest of Location’s sitting smack Dabb where the New Tigeress River meets the Grate One. My Cumrad Muray had every Thing at the ready as he said he would, a True Mann of his Werd Murry is & we greeted each other with a warm Handsheik & retreating to his Offices in the Fort we went on to discuss the details of our impending Embarkation. We agreed to set out on the Marrow, for Murrey had put every Thing in parfect Readiness & there is no reason to terry. He then ushered me round to where our five Backwoodzmen was amongst them the Brother’s Franz & Dan’l Kaye, Elliston Gun, Jean Colter, & Felix Servantes. I briefly spoke with each Man but trusting in my Comred Murray’s judgement I saw not fit to quiss9 them all tho I must say I have missgiving’s about the Kaye Brother’s, for they could not of made a Worse First Impression but Murray assures me that such a Duo of Backwoodsmen exist’s not in these United States of Amerika. When I was first introduced to them we found them resting in their bunkbeds, & Daniel being on the bottommost bunk when he heard us coming jumped up to salute us but hit his head violently against the bunk above him & the blood began to freely spurt from the ensuing Wound. His Brother who occupied the top bunk & had apparentley been asleep was rudely awakened by his Twin’s cries & frantickally leapt down to aide him, but his belt catching on the bed post he was left dangling helplessly there like a swaddled Newborn from the mouth of a Stork, his arms & legg’s aflailing. But then seeing Murry & me there he ceised his Struggle’s & saluted us as he swung there, his bloodyfaced Brother doing the same a most Micawber10 Spectackle I can assure you. My Comradd Murey additionally showed me his new Pet, a gigantic Black Canine named Herakles whom he had bought off an Elderly Backwoodsman who told him this Dog is as cleaver as a Man, such Intellectual Eye’s he has & when you address him you all most expect him to speak in reply. And in Deed as we spoke about him he looked at the each of us as we was speaking in a rather Erie Manor11 as if he knew exactly what we was saying, it was quite offputting I tell you. Murry further attested that he had tested this Canine out for his Self & the Dog during several Hunting Tripp’s has proved his Self to be an Expert Swimmer, Fetcher, Tracker, &c., &c. Murry vouching for the Beast so stridentley I immediately agreed to make him part of our Corpse & the Beast insantaneouslie started to wagg his tale—’twas enuff to make one a True Believer in Pithagoras’s Theorum I tell you12. Likewise my Cumrad Murray then met the Sergeants & Privates & approved of them all, & seeing there was little moore to be done I retreated to a room reserved for me at the Fort & spent a cupula13 hours suckeling at the Teat’s of the Ancient’s before embracing Morpheos.
[Crandall] Saturnday the 5th of September, 1800
All arose at Four in the Mourning, the Moon full & the Wind’s favourable, none of the Men slack but alert as Hades despite having been aroused so early, Herakles sitting on the riverbank calmly watching the Bustle like an Anglickan Lorde one Paw crossed over the Other as we carried on the remaining supplies & boarded our Boat with none of the Protracted Goodbye’s nor the Crowd of Well Wisher’s with their Hankey Waiving’s which usually accompany the Commencement of a Journey such as Our’s. For this is a serious diplomatick slash militaristick slash scientifickal Expedition & no Tourist’s Tripp. Besides, we felt that an early mourning departure with all Outsider’s precluded was a fitting way to set the Tone so to speak, for the Tearz & Prayer’s of One’s Loved One’s all tho well meant let’s face it only tend to have a corrosive affect on a Fellow’s Psychosis14. So what we had done was Yesterday tell the Men that we was going to depart not Today but the Day after & when we had aroused them this Mourning they was under the Impression that it was but a Drill & a Rehearsal for the Marrow15. But as soon as we had all got on bored my Self & my Comred Murrie surreptitiouslie unknotted the Ropes attaching us to Shore while the Soldiers at the Peer16 pushed us off with their Polls17. We then ordured the Men to man their Ores fourthwidth but they loitered about in a dase perhap’s finally inntuiting that it had all been a Ruse & that this was the actual beginning of our Journey. Seeing them so sloggish I then begun to curse them in no Uncertain Term’s of Endeermeant & I even went so far as to brandish my Sabre till finally the pour retches sat down on the benches & diligentley begun to plye their Orez. Once we was assured that froward Progression was being enacted we fired off three rounds from the Canon sitting atop Reason whose Boome instantaneously brought a good cupula docen Towns Peeple down to the Riverside in their Nite Garment’s to see what was the Matter. We let off one moore shot as they all stood collectively on the Shore & it sent many of them sprawling on the ground, covering their ears & heads the Babies whaling18 & the Womyn moaning. Some of the Men Folke, presumably the Father’s slash Husband’s of the Above shook their Fistula’s19 menacingly at us as we rounded a Bend in the River no doubt angered at us for having frighted their Families so. We proceeded on upstream, & it ’twas then that it donned20 upon us that Herakles was no where to be seen, so searching low & high both below & above Deck we could not descry him any where. But then the Men shouting & pointing downstream at what we thought at first was a floating Logg after training our Spy Glasses upon it found that it was none Other then our Herakles. He was valientley swimming to catch up with us & this being the Case we slackened our Effort’s & drifted down to where he was, fishing him up in a Netwerk, pour retch. And once he had been extracted from the Netwerk as if on set porpose he stood in the middel of the Deck & shook his Self off drenching us all in the Process as if in Vengeance. At about Noon we surpassed two Island’s & the Mouth of a small Crick on the rite side, which are respectively called the Island’s of Hope & Ambition respectively, where as they call the Crick Disallusion21 Crick whom ever having first named these Landmarque’s having been a bit of a Filosopher I guess. Since Game is abundant in this Zone we despatched Cervantes & Coultier to fallow us alongst the northern shore line & murther us some Meet for Dinar22 if they could. They later remet us at our Encampment which we made on the north side of the river in a Meadow surrounded by Fur23 Trees, & they had in Pointe of Fact sleighed24 Two Beauteous Stagg’s & thus required our Assistance in the retrieval of which which was instantaneouslie enacted. We journeyed a none too shabbey Thirtey One Anglickan Myles this Day rounding out the Day with a plenteous Feast of Fresh Venizone.
[Crandall] Sonneday the 6th of September, 1800
We set out just after Sonrize this Mourning with the Wind against us, the Corpse’s Arms sore as Hades from yesterday’s Long Day of Strenuous Rowing. I opted to walk along the River instead of ride in Reason & as I walked I mused that the most difficult Stage of our Journey had all ready been surmounted, that being the Beginning. For such is the Nature of the Mind that any undertaking not yet embarked upon loom’s dauntingly large in the Imagination but once the first Steppes is taken an Emmense Mental Burthen is lifted because Action & not Thinking is now what is called for & Action & Froward Motion disspell a Multitude of Care’s. Kleosidarthos said it best when he said, “All Thing’s end in their Beginnings.25” But perhap’s I was a thadd too much ensconced in these Profound Cogitations, how ever because unbeknownst to my Self I had strayed a thadd too close to the Edge of the River Bank which was being eroded & soddenly26 the ground gave way beneath me & I plummeted at least Twenty Anglickan Feet in to the River, fallowed27 by a shower of dirt & Grass reigning down on my Head from above. Fortunately Reason had all ready rounded the next Bend in the River up ahead & so the Men was not witnesses to my Folie. For it is necessary that any Leader of Menn retain a certain detached Dignity which this misshap would of contributed to sullying. After encamping our Hunters ventured out in search of Game & shot a Dear & two Wild Turkey’s, while after Dinar we then commenced to jerk our Meat having come Twentey Eight Anglickan Myles this Day.
Illustrations by Eamonn Fitzmaurice
Rain
Due
Poor
Caesar’s
Gently
Idol
Whole
Crandall indicates that he was one day late to the scheduled rendezvous with Murray at New Babylon, while Murray clearly states that Crandall arrived on the appointed day. This is the first (but not the last) time that the Captains contradict one another.
Quiz
Macabre
Eerie manner
Crandall is referring to reincarnation.
Couple of
Psyche, presumably.
Morrow
Pier
Poles
Wailing
Fists, presumably.
Dawned
Disillusion
Meat for dinner
Fir
Slayed
The Analects of Kleosiddarthos 5.22.1
Suddenly
Followed