"Say you go for a walk & you get eaten-up by a Bear..."
May 10-13, 1802
[Murray] Fry-Day the 10th of May, 1802
With dawn’s early-light we signaled unto our Compatriot’s across the River that we was ready to go. I led some Men along the Edge of the River-Gorge lest we be set upon by Marauder’s. Yet not a Marauder did we see, only a Stagg or 3 which I ordered the Men not to shoot for I feared it would only attract Unwanted-Attention. Plus we could not hope to be able to make full-useage of what-ever meat it might afford since we had to keep up a-head of the Canoe’s. Plus we could not ignite any Fires which might once-again attract the Attention’s of any Belligerent’s malingaring in the Area. At about mid-day the ground rose considerably which afforded us a more comprehensive View of the Mountain’s a-head of us. Two Peak’s in particular rose-up before you’re eyes enough to robb you of your breath, a-like in dignitie but different in aspect. One was a sheer rocky cliff with a flatt-top like a Mono-Lith. The Other was more variegated with different Ledges & Clumps of Pines & it had a jagged top capped with Snow. They was equal in Heighth & Width with the Hessenam-River squeezed-in betwixt ’em. We called them Mt. Awe & Mt. Terrour respectively. For those are the 2 Feeling’s we feel as we enter in-to these Mountain’s. As we proceeded-on I became wondrous-concerned that we was losing all Access to the River & thus being severed from our Friend’s. So getting up-ahead of our Boats I shot-off my Piece & stood up upon a Prominent pointe as we doffed our Hats & waved them in the Air so as to gain their Attention’s. Which it did & them stopping down below us the next challenge was to make each-other mutually-understood. For we was separated by a Great-Heighth of per-hap’s 200 Anglickan-Feet plus the Water’s was fairly turbulent below producing quite a bit of Noisesomeness. Plus this rocky-gorge was a play-ground for Reverberation’s & Distortion’s. This all being the Case & having some Paper upon me I wrote a quick-note explicating that we would hike ahead but that they should stay-put till we could come-back & report unto them whether there was an accessible meeting-pointe up a-head or not. If there was we would beckon them to go on a-head but if not we would have to re-tract our step’s. Having writ this on a Paper we then determined how it was to be best-delivered. For we could not just crumple it in-to a Ball & toss it for the Wind would surely catch it & carry it to part’s un-known. While if it chanced to land in the Water the Ink would be rendered illegitimate1. Wrapping it round a rock presented much the same problem’s plus I was a-feared of battering one of our Compatriot’s brainz out with it. For as I said the heighth was considerable. And of-course if it missed it’s marque ’twould sink to the bottom of the Waterz & spoil the writing as-well. What was required was a durable, heavy yet boyant Object. Finally decided to empty Francis’s powder-horne placing the content’s of which in-to the each of Our’s & then shoving the Note inside. After I had got their Attention down below flung it out up-river a way’s while at the same time trying to keep it’s trajectory somewhat near shore. For were it to prove boyant I wanted to be sure to give Those Below a chance to grab it while if it did not prove boyant I did not want it to land in such deep water’s that it could not be retrieved. Pitched it under-handed because I thought I could achieve better accuracy that way like Lawn-Bowling back-home. To my immense-delight I pitched it just-right & it landed in the shallow-waters about 20 Anglickan-Yard’s up-river. We then stood enrapt as we watched the Canoe’s come to life & adjust their positions so as to intercept Francis’s Powder-Horne which was swiftly bobbing upon the current toward’s them. After they had sucksessfully fished it out I looked thru my Spy-Glass down at them. I watched as they inspected the Powder-Horne but by their gesture’s to my exasperation I could tell that they was wondrous-confused. Turning it over in their hand’s & then looking up at us quissically & then turning it over in their Hand’s again you could tell it had not dawned-upon them to open the dammed Thing. Cursing them beneath my breath I strained my Eye’s harder as I inspected them inspecting the Powder-Horne as if it had fallen from out the Skye or some-thing which I guess it had. They even engaged in the scratching of their Heads like confused Simians. Did they think we had flung the dammed thing down at them just for Fun? I swear I wanted to stretch my Hand super-humanley forth spanning the great-distance betwixt us & bestow upon them numerickal Slap’s upon their Faces. Finally my Co-Captain Captain Crandall demanded that it be handed over to him & he shaking it quickly surmized the Scenario. But upon opening the nozzle he struggled to extract the Note. For in my haste I had rolled it up & stuck it in with-out reckoning that once in-side privvy to more spaciousness it would un-roll. And so he begun to shake it & throttle it some-times violently some-times genitally. But all to no avail for it refused to be extricated. Seeing as all our Strategem’s had been rendered use-less we gesticulated unto them that they was to remain where they was for the Time being while Francis stood guard here while the other Two of us reconnoitered on ahead. Which was easily enuff made comprehensive unto them which is why we should of just resorted to such Pant o’ Mime’s in the first-place. So Delancey & I set-off up-river thru the un-even rocky pine-strewn Terrain. Higher & higher the river rose till we thought it would reach the very Heaven’s, the Bank’s of the River remaining steep & sheer as Hades. Till after about two Hour’s we was relieved to find a Stream which flowed toward’s the Hessanam, graduallistickally cutting a Gentile-Path down-toward’s the River which we soon reached with-out Hindarance. So despatching Delancey to hurry on back to from whence we’d come I waited here to flag-down our Water-Craft. So he run-off which left me to my lone-some which was some-thing I had had in Mind all-along. For in an Expedition such as our’s such Moment’s of Privacy are wondrous hard-won & Solitude is at a premium. So sat my-self down upon a Rock down there by the River-Side & contemplated the Water’s hastening past. My Thought’s then reached-out across the Continent toward’s my Bespoken whom I have not placed much Attention’s on for quite some-time. Don’t know about her but I’m a completely diffarant Person now. And the Man I was is now just a Memory or a Dream even. Like some-body I once read about in a Book or some-thing. No longer as needy as I use to be, for one-thing. For how could one be under these Circumstance’s? Or may-be it’s just that I’m getting older. Any-way our reunitement is sure to be a wondrous-strange one & will take some getting used to being back in one-another’s Presence. If I should be so lucky as to live, that is. Any-way forget about it. The All-Disposing Godz shall dispose of Thing’s as they see fit. Don’t know what happened betwixt Jean & me. Guess I came on too-strong, was too-needy. Can’t see as how she went & got her-self knock’d-up but I reckon it was probley the Ruthenian. Not sure if it works-out mathematickally-speaking, how-ever2. My Eye’s then got locked on a twirling piece of Foam caught Ixion-like in an Eddy off to my immediate-left. How like this Foam we all are. All-most simultaneouslie I was shaken out of my Reverie by the Arrivalment of Delancey & our Water-Craft. They was rowing furiously & after sweeping up Delancey & Your’s Truly we proceeded on up-river. Numerous other smallish-streams too numerickal to bother to bestow name’s upon was surpassed thru-out the remainder of the day. They trickled & gushed-down on all-side’s. We was wondrous-nervous about being attacked for we no longer had Avaunte-Garders up on Land to flush them out. Plus the River being as lusty as it was we was not afforded much of a Chance to have our Weaponry at the Ready. For every Hand had to ply their Oar’s with maximal-vigour or-else Zero-Progression would be made. Only up in the First-Canoe we had Hu who not being much help paddeling-wise was tasqued with being our Look-Out. He sat with sev’ral loded Rifles at his beck & call scanning all round with his one goode Eye like Polyphemus guarding his Flock’s. But no Assailant’s did we come-across this day having traversed about 18 Anglickan-Mile’s worth of River. Encamped upon the north-side where there was just-enough Room for us to sleep beneath the High Rocky River-Bank. We did not incite a Fire this night for safety’s-sake.
[Murray] Saturn-Day the 11th of May, 1802
Wondrous-cold last-night so this morning we tossed Caution to the Four-Wind’s & incited a Fire. Brewed-up some Coffee & brake-fested upon Hot Salman Tuber-Cake’s. Which had a rather-rancid taste to them. Proceeding-on up-river the River continuated to wax lusty what with the numerickal streams of melted Snows vomiting in-to it from all-side’s. We was afforded virtually zero-vistas of the surrounding Mountain’s for the River-Bank’s on each-side of us loom high-some & fore-bidding as Hades his-self. By mid-afternoon we was in total concurrance as a Corpse that our Time in our Canoe’s was just-about up. For like every-thing else they had pretty-much out-lasted their usefull-ness. For the Waters of the Hessanam have waxed wondrous-turbulant & force-full & it requires all of our Might to make even the most modest of Progression’s. Upon encountering a small docking-site upon the south-side which appeared to grant a steep yet traversible Access to up-top we pulled-over & began to dis-laden our Water-Craft. This Access-Pointe was not ideal for the way up-top was as I said steep & rugged & we had expended all our Energie’s just to reach this Pointe. So depleted of Vigour we could do no-other but expend the Rest of the Night there upon this small-beach & leave the ascent for the Morrow. Gnawed-upon what-ever dried food-stuff’s we had at-hand & of-course set Watch-Men. Came no-more than 10 Anglickan-Mile’s this Day.
[Murray] Sun-Day the 12th of May, 1802
Waxed quite-cold again last-night. All our Joint’s wondrous-stiff & my Co-Captain Captain Crandall’s back is back on the Proverbial-Fritz. Using Drifter’s-Wood we ignited a Fire & gave our-selves plenteous Time to break our fast & warm-up as well as load-up our Pack’s. All of which was done sullenly & slowly. Mean-while my Co-Capt. Capt. Crandall was lying face-up where he was upon his Bison-Robe whilst the Garter-Snake Woman slowly siphoned Coffee in-to his Mouth. I my-self was en-wrapped in my Bison-Robe all of the Morning for as even a Childe could of surmised we was in these Mountain’s too early & Winter yet reigned here. But impelled by a Lust to return to Amerika-Proper with-in the Year we just could not abide waiting till Summer-Time had totally un-folded it’s-self. So we hastily abandonated Fort-Melancholie at-least one-month too-early since we could not bear to expend One-Day longer on the dreary Eastern-Coast. Our Departure from which all-ready appearing to be a wondrous-distant Memory, by-the-way. For we have under-gone such Exertion’s in these past few days which by contrastment make the relativistick Ease of our sev’rall Month’s on the East-Coast back at Fort-Melancholie look like the Proverbial Golden-Age. Plus some of us have acquired a Cough amongst whom can be numbered Your’s-Truly. Redoubt-less due to the shift in temperature which is why I’m smoking more than usual to fight it off with Tobacco-Smoke. Which I have been informed by my Auto-Chthonickal Counter-Parte’s is a wondrous-effective Remedie. After loading-up our Pack’s we sent the Kayes Bros. up first with some Rope. For we planned to pull our Baggage up to the Top first for the Path as I said was steep as Hades & then some. So we all watched in mute-wonder as we watched the Kayes Bros. clamber-up to the Top like a coupla Spyder-Men, their Rope’s which was fastened to their Belt’s trailing-out behind them like the Strand’s of Webb’s. And upon gaining the Apex they then vanished from our View’s for quite some-time which causationed us to wonder just what in Hades they was up-to up-there. Till hearing presumably Francis whistle (for he is a wondrous-proficient Whistler) we saw their distant figure’s waving in cheer-full manner way-up top. So we then sent a coupla more Men up to assist in the hauling up of our Baggage but they did not find it near so easy to get to the Top as the Kayes did. For they slipped & slid & was likely to break their Neck’s till we admonished them to pull their Selve’s up using the Ropes. Which they did & was making excellent Progression till Hu who had made it about half-way up of a sudden begun to fall-back. His slipping brought-down a Cascade of Stone’s down which we had to dodge. We then heard a loud crunching & skiddering sound from up-above & to our Horrour there appeared a medium-sized leaveless Tree which came careening over the side of Embankment at break-neck speed. It crashed & tumbeled toward’s us & you can bet we sought for cover as Quick as Present-Circumstance’s would allow. Some sought Protection behind Boulder’s, some ran down the shore-line, some leapt in-to the River. But luckily no-one was struck as the Tree bounced noisily down to the River where it produced a largish-splash & then started to get carried-away by the Current. And watching it slowly glide-away as we emerged from our hiding-places we then heard shout’s of Sheer-Terrour reverberating all around us & it took some time to descry it’s Source. For as has been previously mentioned this River-Gorge has a penchant for Ecchoe’s. Our Eye-Sight usurping our Sense of Hearing we then realised that the Noises was emanating from Hu who was being drug rapidly down the Hill-Side. For what he’d done was lash the Rope about his waist which was the sensible Thing to-do after-all since he had but one goode Hand to grip the Rope with. But now here he was being towed rapidly down-toward’s us yelling & trying to disentangle his-self as best he could. But to no availe for onward’s he rushed despite his Best-Effort’s. The Rest of us enrapt in nervous-wonder was frozen in our Step’s till my Co-Captain Captain Crandall leaping up from the Ground where he had been resting his Back un-sheathed his Sabre & with one mighty Hack dissevered the evil umbilickal-chord setting Hu free. My Eye’s lingered-upon the Retreating-Vision of the Tree as it floated-away rather than poor Hu who was moaning pathetickally & rocking back & forth upon the Rock’s. But upon further-inspection of his Wound’s they proved superficial. After we’d un-tied him we plied him with some Whiskey & left him slumped there by the River-Side while we saw to the elevating of our Thing’s up-above. Which after this dis-fortunate Incident fortunately came-off with-out further Incidentalism. We just had to decide what to do with the Canoe’s. ’Twas a Shame to let them go but they had out-lived their use-fullness toward’s us. Beautifully-crafted & covered-o’er in all-sort’s of interesting Symbolism (Stars, Eyes, Moonz, Animalia, &c., &c.) we could not bear the Thought of destroying them. But destroy them we did or at-least attempted to do because we feared that the Residue of the Banditry might stumble-upon them & use them to wreck even more havock upon the Populations down-river. So we begun to hack-away at them with our Hatchette’s & saw-away with our Sawz. But the Canoe’s being wondrous sturdy & as I said well-made we made but little Progression. Finally we managed to inflict some Hole’s in them which surely we thought would render them un-servicable. But upon shoving them off in-to the River they seemed to float all-right despite the Holes. Which is a Testament to Auto-Chthonickal Crafts-Manship if there ever was one. After they’d disappeared round the Bend we pulled our-selves up to the high-land’s, where we redistributed our Good’s & found that we the all of us could not possibly carry every-single Thing that we’d previously had in our Boats. Trouble was that pretty-much every-thing seemed necessary at this Pointe in Time & ’twas wondrous-hard to determinate what should be left-behind. Travoises seemed improbable since the ground was so wondrous-rough. Eventually in-stead of discarding every-thing of some-thing we discarded some-thing of every-thing. And proceeding on west-ward’s we was treated to a Voluptuous-Vista of the Mountain’s all-around, as grandiose & varied as any Nature-Adourer could pray for. The Aire was wondrous-brisque up-there but our Exertion’s produced the necessary body-heat which counter-manded the Coldness. As we walked Hu kept berating the Kaye’s for attaching his Rope to such an un-sound Tree alternating this with Praises for my Co-Capt. Captain Crandall for severancing the cordage which had salvaged his Life. Crandall was under-going unspeakable agonies for I could see him evince wince’s under his Load which told me his Back was still murthering him. So what I did was occasionally ply him with Whiskey. Taking occasionally sip’s my-self of-course. Which I should not of did because as the Day wore on he waxed less sure-footed & finally stumbled & fell like to sprain his anklette. So Thing’s being as they was I ordered an immediate-halt & an encampment to be made in a little Glade which seemed to be created for us on set-purpose. The Corpse came may-be 12 Anglickan-Miles today.
[Murray] Moone-Day the 13th of May, 1802
My Co-Captain Captain Crandall was completely im-mobilized this Morning because of his bad-back. But yet after coffee & break-fast he was able to get up on-to his Feet but his Pack had to be redistributated amongst the Men. Some-thing I know which cut him to the Proverbial-Core. For he abhour’s Charity, both the receiving of it & the giving of it. He walked along with a big old walking-stick which he eventually discarded in the after-noon once he had felt him-self once-againe & demanded that his Burthen be restored unto him. ’Twas wondrous-demanding day of Hiking which saw us come over rocky un-even ground consistentley sloping up-ward’s. The Men as they trekked got in-meshed in a Morbid-Topick. Which was what was the Type of Death they most was in Fear of. Most was in agreeance of-course that the Demise least to be wished for was a long drawed-out one especially under Torture. But a-side from that what was the Type of Death most un-desirable? Francis straight-off said that being buried-alive was what he most dreaded. To be presumed dead & then suddenly re-awaken in-side a Casquette thinking it was but a dream at-first but then realising that one had been buried-alive. And futilely screaming-out & hammering-away & scratching-away at the Lid just inches above you but all in-vain. For there wasn’t no-body who was going to hear you thru 6-feet of solid-soil now was there? “In-deed,” Francis said, “one-time I met by Random-Chaunce an Ex-Resurrection-Man & he said that easily one-third of the coffins he’d pried-open in his time had scratch-mark’s inside.” Of-course this was preposterous & I told him as-much, to which he said: “But Cap’n Murray, even if it’s an Exaggeration, even if it has happened to just one person in the Hystory of the World it’s still a possibility that it could happen to me. And how-ever un-likely it may or may-not be I’ve got every-right to fear it, now don’t I? Now don’t I?!” And all-tho I thought he was but playing-acting at-first by the vehemence & terrour I saw writ upon his Face I could see he was in-earnest. Or-else he was one of the Best-Actor’s in the World Bar-None. Respondated unto him that while yes he still had a Right to be afraid, no-body was gonna take that away from him, yet he must keep his Fear’s in due-proportionalism after-all or-else go in-sane. Other’s mean-while prominently amongst whom was Hu said that the Death they most feared was a Death that might or might not entail violence or paine or panick but was wondrous-frightfull when it’s after-affect’s was pondered. Axed what he meant by that exactly & he said what he meant was just disappearing from off the Face of the Earth with-out one’s Body ever being re-covered nor any-one having any Idea about what had really happened to you. Say you go for a walk & you get eaten-up by a Bear or fall-into an Ancient-Well & no-body ever find’s you. Or say that you reside in the City & what you do is go-out to do some shopping & being the only Clientele in a Shoppe it’s just you’re luck to be waited upon by a Maniack who was just waiting for the Right-Moment. And once you’ve got you’re back turned unto him he stuns you with a blow to the Head & then carve’s you up in-to Piece’s. Then may-be he eats you &/or incinerate’s your Remainz. While mean-while you’re Family or Friend’s start to fret & wonder where you’ve gone to. Eventually they notify the Authorities of-course. Who after some perfunctory Investigation’s conclude that the Case is in-conclusive. So one’s Family is left to believe that may-be you had disappeared on-purpose because you’d just-plain gotten-sick of them. Or-else if One had any debt’s may-be you had hightailed it to elude one’s Creditour’s. In any-case who-ever’s left-behind is left in a Perpetual-State of Suspense, thinking that all-tho you’re probably dead then-againe you might just one-day turn-up. And every Stranger who possesses the Stature & General-Build of you makes their Heart’s o’er-skip a Beat till they are afforded a better-look at the Stranger’s Face & emmense is their Disappointment & Ruefullness. And so to leave One’s Loved-One’s on Tenter-Hooke’s such as these for the rest of their Existance’s is more than a Man can possibly-bear. Delancey in Reaction to which said there was some-thing Romantickal in all of this which had more to commend it than other-wise. For who would not want to be remembered as still being some-where out-there haunting the Daily-Thought’s of those One love’s: an ever-lasting tantalising Mystery, an un-dead Possibility, an Aenigma as sweet-bitter as Life it’s-self? While mean-while he (Delancey) was of the Opinionation that the Worstest of Death’s at-least from his Perspective was this. That whilest being in the middle of the Creation of One’s Artistick Master-Piece One is rendered by untimely Death dis-abled from finishing it. The Other’s simply could not identify with such a Sentiment deeming it rather-silly. “But going-back to previous,” chimed in East-Broadway, “when speaking of inflicting paine’s & doubt’s upon one’s Loved-One’s the Death I most fear is being bethought an auto-suicide when it really wasn’t one. For example, let’s say I’m walking on a high, high Bridge. And let’s say it’s a windy, windy Day. And let’s say that my favorite hand-kerchief flies out from my Pocket & get’s caught on a part of the Bridge just below the walk-way on one of the Support’s. And let’s say that my rationality suddenly abandonate’s me & I decide to clamber-down & try & retrieve it. And let’s say no-body else is around. And let’s say just as I’m straining to grasp my prised hand-kerchief with it’s edges caressing my Outer-Most Fingar-Tips my foot slips. And that’s the end of Old East-Broadway. But our Storey doesn’t end there. For let’s say that my dearest-&-nearest, as any Rationale-Being’s would, believe that I had purposefully flung my-self over the Bridge on set-purpose. And even tho they find my hand-kerchief there still stuck on the Bridge they just think it had fallen out of my Pocket on my plunge down & got lodged there rather than being the actual Cause of my Demise. So any-way they begin to tax their-selves with Guilt for having been so blind as to ignore my Melancholia. And let’s say they start to ran-sack their Memory’s for ensignia’s of said Melancholia—& they is sure to find some even-if I was the most happiest-go-luckiest Chap on the Surface of the Earth. And then let’s say they inevitabley summon-up the Specter of some un-kind word’s they had once said unto me. And let’s say they begin to give these ill-considered Word’s of their’s much too much Import & start to believe that they was the direct-causation of my Despair. So they start to blame their-selves for having driven me to such an Extremity. And let’s say that it’s my Wife we’re talking about—I don’t have a Wife by the way for this Wife is Hypothetickall—& she self-lacerates her-self for not being able to make her Husband happy which is every Wife’s duty. And so let’s-say she end’s-up committing auto-suicide as well. And let’s say that her Family…” “Okeh! We get the Picture!” shouts Hu. “Her Family starts to feel guilty & then some o’ them auto-suicide their-selves which Humanoid-Being’s being social-creatures & great mimicker’s of their Fellow’s sets-off a chain-reaction of self-murther which before you know it lay’s a whole Nation low! And all because of one stray hand-kerchief!” This set the Corpse a-laffing & a-chuggling till eventually dying-down I mistakenly thought this Conversation had mercifully-terminated to it’s naturalistick-conclusion. But no—for then up spoke Dan’l Kaye: “But seriously Guy’s I think we can all agree that the Death most to be feared is a Funny-One, or shall I say a Ridiculous-One.” “You mean like what all-most happened to me?!” erupted Hu. To which Dan’l said: “How was I know the Tree’s root-structure was severely-compromised?!” To which Hu just hurrumphed & grumbled about severely-compromised root-structure’s his Asse, &c., &c. But Dan’l did not lend this any heedance but just placidly turned from Hu & continuated his Explication: “Now you’re Ridiculous Death is usually due-to Accidentalism, yes, but there’s an Element of Personal-Causation involved or at least some Irony.” “Like what happened to the Bandit who’s gun back-fired on him?” axed Essex, to which Dan’l said: “I would say yes, all-though it’s not a perfect-example of what I’m taking about.” Essex then said: “Or may-be with what happened to the Reverand? With the tree-branch falling-down upon him?” “Perhap’s—but that was due to the intra-cession of the Godz so that’s a bit-different, out-side our pur-view if you will,” respondated Dan’l with a most professorial aire. “No, I’d say a good example of what we’re speaking of was all-ready furnished by our Friend East-Broadway involving the Bridge & the Hand-Kerchief. But with one important diffarance: that there was Spectator’s who saw it go-down & reported-back to Authorities & the Victim’s Family about what had occurred. That for some Strange-Reason the Victim had gotten it in-to his Head to clamber-down & risk his Existence all for the sake of a Hand-Kerchief which let’s face it only some-one out-of-their-mind’s would attempt. ‘What could have possibly got-into his Head to hassard Life & Limb all for the sake of an easily-replaced Hand-Kerchief?’ every-one inevitably axes, not with-out a Tinge of Contempt. ‘Either he was extremely stingey or just plain-stupid!’ And may-be the Deceased gain’s some notoriety, make’s it in-to the Paper’s, become’s a local-legend. And even-tho he may have been the most up-right, rationale, admirable Member of Society who other-wise would of been a Shining-Exemplar to Futuristick-Generation’s he’ll for-ever been known as ‘That Dumb-Asse Who Fell off a Bridge Trying to Retrieve his Hand-Kerchief.’ A Whole-Life’s Achievement’s, a carefully-erected Reputation laid-low by but a Moment’s thoughtlessness.” All seemed to be in agreeance with Daniel that this type of Death took the Proverbial-Cake & so the Debate thankfully ended. Crossed a stream which emptied into the Hessnam far, far below in a Cascade of notable heighth. Called it Hand-Kerchief Fallz in honour of the Above. Saw no Game at-all for this is High Rugged Country. Encamped after having traversed about 26 Anglickan-Mile’s this day.
Illustration by De Robles
Illegible, presumably.
Historians are divided on this matter.