"I at Time’s get lost in a Labyrinthe of Abstractions..."

The First Journal Entries: August 24-25, 1800

[Crandall] Moonday the 24th of August, 1800

After a Full Day of being chained like a Second Prometheos to my Desk frantickally finalising various Matter’s, dashing off Letter’s, collating Receipt’s, &c., &c., I exited my Offices at Twilite & wandered the Streets of Warshingtown for a Spell—this City so deer¹ to me in moore Way’s then One yet I have never felt totally at Home here. It was strangely quiet with Few to None walking about it’s muddy thorofares & before I was well aware of it there I was standing before the newly erected Statue of Lady Autonomy. She appeared most menacing in the Dyeing Lite what with her upraised Sword poised in midmotion as if it were about to cut down some Invisible Opponent accompanied by a rather mocking Sneer writ upon her Blindfolded Face. I stood there for some Time in a Reverie till I then thought it recumbent upon my Self to pay one last Call upon my Deer² Friend & Mentour Precedent³ Ian Torso, Esquire before my Finale Departure. So heading to the “La Casa Blanca” & letting my Self in the Butler presumabley having retired for the Evening I entered the Ovulate Study unannounced⁴ & found him as per usual haunched over his Desk surrounded by his numerickal Books who’s Title’s speak Volumes about the myriad Enthusiasm’s & Interest’s of our Fledgeling Republick’s Third Precedent amongst which are such Title’s as The Theologickal Implications of the Recent Discovery of the Mastadon, What Our Shadows Say About Us, A Modest Proposal Concerning the Dissection of Owl’s Pellets, The Genitalman’s⁵ Guide to Treepanning, &c., &c. After emitting a quiet coff in ordure too⁶ attract his Attention I saw that that was not working so I then said his Name rather loudley which caused him to jerque up in his Seat upsetting his Ink Well which then disgorged it’s Content’s upon him. Despite the Compleat Ruination of his Tunick & the besplattering of his Face with Ebony Ink which I quickly helped him to remove as best I could which only contributated in the further Besmearchment of which he none the less did not appear at all displeased to see me. On the Contrary for he ejackulated, “My Deer Philipp! How gladdsome I am that you came to visit me one last Time! What a Pleasure, what a Surprize! Here I had thought we had said our finale Goodby’s yesterday yet here you are againe today!” Offering me a seat whilst donning his Periwigg & enquiring about my Day’s activities in Breezey Manor⁷ he then waxxed soddenly⁸ sombre & said, “I need not remind you of the Vast Importants of your Journey, my Deer Philipp. The Transcontinental Exploratorie Corpse of Eastward Expansion is officially tasked with not only the Recording & Mapping of our newly acquired Lands from the Tsar—the largest acquisition of land ever acquired without Bloode Shedd, need I remind you—but also establishing the Beginning’s of the free flowage of Trade from West to East. Now those being the Goals ostensibly set fourth in the Appropriations Bill which we pushed thru Congress—for Congress shall never approve any Thing which does not address rather shallow Pecuniary Interest’s—this Expedition which you will lead has Other equally important yet unstated Aimes which are to document the New Species of Fawna & Flaura you encounter along the Way & also to record all Events both Uncanny & Mundane, Significant & Trivial, giving special attention to your Status of Mind as you traduce Unknown Regions as well as those of you’re Men. You must record what strikes you as concordant or discordant with your Sole⁹, what disgusts you, what delites you, what changes have been wrought upon you by the Incidents which you undergoe & the Sights both strange & communeplace you take in; studiously transcribing all of the Modalities of the Humanoid Spirit; sounding your Self down to the vary¹⁰ Marrow, to the vary Dregg’s as it were; noting what is inherent in you & what belongs to Costume¹¹. For Costume is King, saith Herodotos, but every King as we all are aware—especially us Amerikaan’s—faces a Rebellion from Time to Time.” I responded in the Affirmative, stating as politely as was possible that I was well aware of all of this since he had repeated it unto me in so many Wordz many a Time & it was now engraved upon both my Hart & my Mind. “And let us not forget about the Autochthone’s who’s cooperation we strive to gain. In addition to you’re Politickal Mission I begg you to mingle freely with them & adapt to their Way’s as much as you are abel, find out what they believe in, what they treasure & what they disdane & most importantley how do they position them Selve’s in relation to Aeternitie. And tell them for me that they have a Friend far far to the West who shall do his best to make their Interest’s his.” I affirmed I should do so to the best of my Ability. “You’re Tasque is a grate One, an onerous One, a Heraklean One, my Deer Phillip. For you must be not only an Explorer of both the Inner & Outer Sphere’s of Existance but also a Scientist, a Politician, a General, a Poet, an Asstheat¹²,—& not least of all an Filosopher.” I assured him I felt reasonabley confidante in my Abilities for no other Reason than he him Self was the vary One who had been preparing me for such a grand Responsibonsiblitie for some Time now. “Nor do I missdoubt neither your Abilities nor your Resolve,” he next said, “but what I do have some small Qualm’s about is your Temperment, Phillipp. During these several years we have known one an Other I have had ampule¹³ Time to evaluate both your Achilles’ Strengths & your Achilles’ Heals¹⁴ as no doubt you have had ampule Time to evaluate mine. For the Godz who sit in Unperterbable Splendour some where Out There in an Other Demension know I at Time’s get lost in a Labyrinthe of Abstractions; they also know that an Intellectual is also at Time’s illsueted for Statesmanshippe. But what I have noticed about you is that you possess an essentially Melancholickal Humour which some Time’s flashes in to Anger. And when these Spells occur what you do is with draw licking you’re selfinflicted Wounds as it were only to reemerge again after they’ve heeled¹⁵—but on this Journey there shall be no opportunity to with draw. For your Travailes shall be long, arduous, & unstinting, & you will be afforded no Chances to retreat nor Escape; no, nor nary a respite. Yet you must see this Expedition thru until the vary End, irregardless of your Mood, irregardless of the Status of your Mind. Do you understand the thrust of my Speech?” I replied that I understood Full Well & have sounded my Self upon these same Question’s scores of times before, & have come to the Conclusion that this Journey is exactly what I need, that the flagrant Demands on my Fisical & mental Fortitude will be Beneficial to me. For in the Hummdrumm World of Commerce & Politicks & “Polite Society” I waxx lackadaisical, despondent, inert. “Your answer pleazes me, Phillipp, & I vary much hope you are rite,” said the Precedente. “Nay, I believe that you are rite. Plus you shall have Murray to rely upon. Now, my deer Boy,” he then said embracing me & kissing me upon the Cheeque “may the Godz watch over you & may it please Them to allow us to see each Other again in Two Year’s Time. Two Years! To a Childe Two Years is an Aeternitie but to an Olde Mann such as I it ’tis but the winke of an Eye, moor like Two Weak’s then Two Year’s!” Bidding this Best of Men, this Pollymath, this Autodidact Extraordinaire goodby I returned to my Lodgings & supped in my Room, reading from Euripides’s Rhadomanthys before suckumbing to Sleep.    

[Crandall] Twosday the 25th of August, 1800

In the Mourning I payed a Visitation to the shipyard where construction of our little Ship is nearly completed. I then swung by the Haberdasher’s & purchased a new Tricorne & when I extracted my Wadd of Cash the Proprietor proclaimed it was not necessary to pay instantaneously but that a Genitalmann such as I could make goode the Bill at his Leisure. “My goode Mann,” I said, “I think you had best let me settle the Bill now, for I am about to embarke on a Journey from which like as not I shall ne’er return. If hostile Autochthones don’t get me, than Disease or Mishap or Mutinee or some heretofour unknown Sauvage Beast along the Way will. So it’s receive your payment now—or never!” The pour retch¹⁶ must of thought I was either joshing or madd but accepted immediate Payment at my insistence. Next I paid a call to Dr. Russwell, who has long been my Counselour & Confident & staying for Dinar¹⁷ we discussed my impending Voyage with all the Frankness that has ever gelded¹⁸ our Friendship. I spoke of the Missgiving’s I still have & how I am some what anxious that my Parverse Daimon¹⁹ shall make its Self felt during my Sojourn. I told him that at this Present Moment I feel absolutely free of it & brimming with healthy Sentiments & Aims but that as both he & I know it can soddenly appear at the most inopportune Moment’s & catapult me into exquisite Torments. And try as I mite to assure my Self that I would never heed the unseemly suggestions of my Perverse Daimon, it gnaws away at my Sole until I can think of no Thing else. “Even now, my deer Rosswell,” I said, picking up my knife & holding it before me, “my Daimon whisper’s to me that I should lunge across this Table & bury this knife into your Throat. The vary thought horrify’s me yet the horrifickness of it only makes it all the moore alluring. I imagine my tearsoaked Confession, my utter Disgrace, the cancellation or at least long Delay of the Expedition, the Anger & Disappointment etched on Ian Torso’s Face—& its a Syren’s Song unto me. I loathe these whisperings & I loathe my Self for even giving Ear to them for a milisecond, I assure my Self that I would never enact such a Thing, that such an Act for me would be an Impossibilitie—but yet my Daimon whisper’s, ‘You & I both know that that is a Lye²⁰.’” “Remember what we discussed, Philip,” said Ruswell totally unphazed by my Horrible Confession’s, “you’re Desire to ensure that you would never enact any of your Daimon’s Suggestion’s causes the vary Anxiety which plagues you. Do not fight against this Fiendish Daimon but rather humour it like a Drunken Uncle who eventually tires his Self out with all his Nonsense & lapses into Unconscienceness. Ah, here’s Desert²¹!” With this Ruswell’s Manservant brought out a Sorbet that made me temporarily forget about my Daimon. And since this is doubtless the last such Dainty I shall enjoy in the next many Month’s I tried to savour it as completely as I could. After Dinar I returned to my Lodging’s & read some Kleosiddarthos²² before embracing Morpheus. 

Lady Autonomy Illustration by Mark Cousin

Tricorn & Cutlery Illustration by Henry Cousin

1. Dear

2. See above.

3. President

4. Perhaps nothing serves as a greater testament to the vast difference between our time and theirs as the fact that Crandall could enter the president’s residence unannounced with zero security in place.

5. Gentleman’s, presumably.

6. Cough in order to

7. Manner

8. Suddenly

9. Soul, presumably.

10. Very

11. Custom

12. Aesthete

13. Ample

14. Heels

15. Healed

16. Poor wretch

17. Dinner

18. Gilded, presumably.

19. Perverse Daemon

20. Lie

21. Dessert, presumably.

22. A favorite with Crandall, Kleosiddarthos was of course the ancient Hellenic philosopher best known for his often paradoxical and one might even say nonsensical maxims.