[Crandall] Thorsday the 16th of September, 1800
My Cumrad Murray & several Other’s having left yesterday for the Rehsa Village, the remainder of us await their Regression here at Reason. I must admit that pausing for even a Day play’s upon my Nerves, for like the Shark constant froward motion is what I require or else I begin to waxx vapourish1. But resigning my Self to this enforced Intermezzo I laid me down to finish off my rereading of the memoirs of Alkibiades. I wish I could be as ruthless & shameless as he—so mighty his Desire’s, so indominatable his Ego—but fallowing2 the dictates of the Injunction at Delphi3 I must concede that I am no Alkibiades. It is my Nature to question my own Motive’s at every turn & to sift the Ethicism of every Action until I find that no Action on this Earth is ethickal or worth while Conscious4 making a mere Cowherd5 out of me. Having finished my booke I then bade our recedent Orpheos Ellston Gonne play for us & one song that especially captured my attention ran thus:
I am a Mann of Constant Sorrows
I’ve seen Trouble all my Day’s
I bid farewell to old Ithackay
The place where I was born & raised
For ten long Year’s I’ve been a Wanderer
No pleasure on Earth I have found
For in this World I’m doomed to ramble
Old Poseidon wants me drowned
Well, it’s fare thee well, my longtime Lover
I must flea6 this Cursed Shore
For I’m bound to ride that Seaway
Till I sink to rise no moore
You can bury me in some Deep Valley
For it’s there I wish to dwell
May be you can learn to love an Other
You know I always wished you well
Just forget you ever knew me
My Face you never will see no more
But here’s one promise, my Deer One
I’ll see you on that Blessed Shore
As Day converted to Dusque we expected Murray to have returned by now but alas Sondown arrived Murreyless. This left me much concerned & I harboured missgiving’s that either Accident or Treachery had befallen them. The Men have waxxed board7 with Travel Waivers8 but we do not yet dare to eat the Meet9 from around here for Fear of it being teinted. Coltier expended two year’s in the Wildes roudabouts here & disbelieves our Theorum that the Animals in these parts devour some plant with inhospitable qualities which get transferred to the Animal’s meet. To prove this Theorum wrong he immediately volunteered to be a Guyanese Pig as it were & shot a Hetchhawk10 that he espied & fried it up over a fyre in front of our Fasces11, a vary greazy looking Meal. He then ate of it greedily the Liquified Fat running down his whiskerless chine & said the Marrow12 would be our Judge. This Nite we all slept on the Decks of Reason in case of a sudden Incursion from the Autochthones who’s Fidelity we can not be compleatley assured of.
[Crandall] Fryday the 17th of September, 1800
Aurora unloosed her Golden Heir13 this Mourning with still no word from my Commradd Murray, & I have decided to wait one moore Day before taking further Action. I expended the Bulk of the Day inspecting various Animal Feces strewn about these Region’s as well as reading from Aischylos’s “Myrmidon’s.” Colteer boasts of his lack of any Stomachache & says this is ampule14 Evidence that the Animal Flesh in these parts is in Deed eatable. I protested that the Diet of the Hechehawg & the Diet of a Dear or Bison very grateley15 but I did give him Permission to shoot a Bison & try his luck againe since I too do missdoubt the Source of the recent Irascibility of our Bowelle’s. So dully16 launching out he immediately slayed one & I allowed he & he only to fry up the meet & to partake of it, the Rest of the Meet to be jerqued for later useage should it prove salubrious. I then took an Astrolabb reading but before I was abel to record it a tumultuous Hobbobb ensued, my Comred Murray & the Kayes Brother’s & Hu having returned with much Fanfair joined by six to seven comely Autochthone’s. I immediately discerned that one of them was none Other then the Melancholick Fellow we’d seen on the river bank a few Day’s back with his Topp Hat & Foxx Rap17. My Comrade Mury said that he had the most extraordinairy Storie to unfold & I set it down here verbaitim18:
“We arrived at the Rehsa Village these too Day’s passed19 & was warmly greeted by them. We was brought to meet the Chieftain, told him of our Mission, & he expressed his Approbriation. We was fed & given comfortable accomodations & impressed by the hospitality of this People. But at Don20 I was awoken by a vigourous slap upon the Cheek. And when I oped my Eyez I saw my Self looking strait down the Barrel of a Musquet. Off to the side I saw the Kayes & Hu being tied up their Mouth’s gagged. Feeling my vary own Handz being bound I had the tamerity to axe just what the Reason was for this sudden Trechery but finding Cervantes was not there to translate my enquiries was as vein21 as Hades. We was then drug to the Chieftain’s Hutt where we but last Nite had been recipients of the Warmest of Reception’s but now suffered the compleat apposite22. Flung at the feet of the Chieftain, we were assaulted with a Barrage of Gutteral Sound’s that I took to be the severest of Insult’s yet we could not be sure since Cervantes was not any where to be found so could not serve as our Interpretar. But then he finally appeared not tied up like us at all but standing smiling there right next to the Chieftain. ‘Cervantes, what in Hades is going on!’ I shouted. Cervantes apparently amused by my Outburst just grinned & did not answer my Question rite away but bent over to whisper in the Chieftain’s Ear. The Chieftain nodded his head portentously & Cervantes then addressed me, ‘Captain Murry, the Rehsas have received information that your True Intention is not to promote Piece23 amongst them & the Other Autochthones nor to open the Conduits of Trade based on principal’s of Mutual Beneficence. For after your congenial meeting last Nite they heard from a confidential Source—’ & with this this he winked knowingly— ‘that your Reel Porpose is to assass24 the military capabilities of the Rehsas & all other Autochthonick Tribes so that the United States’s Goverment may dispatch Armies of sufficient size to exterminate them &/or drive them from their Land.’ ‘You Scoundrelle!’ I replyed. ‘Why are you doing this? What have we done to merit this? You are a Trader25, a Turncoat!’ I then lunged feudally26 at him & Cervantes whispering to the Chieftain obviously painted my Reactions with the most unflattering of Brushes. The Warrior’s standing round mean while poked me & prodded me with their Speers & I felt my Self to be no Thing but a Netted Boer27 ripe for the Slaughter. Cervantes eventually broke off his confab with the Chieftain & sayed, ‘Captain Murray, Basileos Uase—’ for that was the Chieftain’s appellation, for they call them King’s even tho they lead but a few docen Families— ‘has decided to execute you on the Marrow with a simple Fyring Squadron of Archer’s. You have this reprieve of one Day because today happens to be the Rehsa’s Holy Day & Blood Shed is forbidden. Count your Self fortunate—for I summoned up all of my Rhetorickal Skillz to try to persuade him to also torture you for a Cupula28 Day’s first but the Basileos here has a Centimental Streak an Anglickan Mile wide it seams & could not be persuaded.’ With that the Kaye Brothers broke out into vociferous bawling & the Rehsa Warrior’s did chuggle29 at their womanishness & mimicked their weeping in a Mocking Fashion. Even I thought it was kinda funny. But remembering our Situation I set aside my Mirth & roared: ‘Cervantes, you shall pay for this!’ & Cervantes replied, ‘My deer Capitan, please call me by my proper Name, or at least by my Nick Name which I prefer much moore then my Reel30 One because it isn’t quite so prolix. You can call me El Gordo.’ ‘El Gordo!?’ I ejackulated. ‘So you are El Gordo?! I don’t believe it, I can’t believe it! Why you ain’t even Phat31!’ Cervantes then said, ‘My deer Capitan, don’t you know that the Bulk of most Nick Names tend to be ironick? They call me El Gordo precisely because I am so dammed skinny! Were I really phat I would never embrace such a Name!’ I was about to continue to vilify this Archfiend who looked wondrous skeletal in the flickering fyrelite his Cheek Bonez protruding ghoulishley & additionally begg the Deities to free us or if that wasn’t possible for the Furies at least to revenge us. But I withheld my Tong32 for I knew it was fruitless. Plus it is illbecoming in a Captain to suckumb to extreme Emotion, at least when around One’s Men. We was then drug from the Chieftain’s Tent & as we was being drug I could hear El Gordo’s triumphant voice say, ‘It’s a pity you don’t speak Rehsa, Captain! It’s a fun language to learn! You should pick it up some Time. May be in the Other World!’ Imagine the horrible nite we spent contemplating our impending Ruination & unable to defend our Selves neither in Speech nor Action. The Kaye Brothers was inconsolable, crying & petting each other in the Darkness while Hu with red, wrathfull face struggled impotantly against his Bondz. I my Self cursed my Self for not having impregnated my Bespoken before my Departure to at least leave some Vestige of my Self on this Earth & cement what ever kindly feeling’s she has toward’s me. This Thought, along with the crying of the Kaye Brothers which was contagious as Hades caused me to weep but luckily it was dark in side the Habitation where we was so the Other’s didn’t see33.
Murray’s account will continue in next week’s post…
Illustration by Eamonn Fitzmaurice
Depressed
Following
γνῶθι σεαυτόν (“Know thyself”)
Conscience, presumably.
Coward?
Flee
Bored
Travel wafers
Meat
Hedgehog
Faces
Morrow
Hair
Ample
Vary greatly
Duly
Fox wrap
One wonders why Murray didn’t just write this himself.
Past
Dawn
Vain
Opposite
Peace
Real purpose is to assess
Traitor, presumably.
Futilely
Boar
Couple of
Chuckle
Real
Fat
Tong
If so one wonders how Murray knew Hu’s face was red.