[Murray] Frye-Day the 23rd of July, 1802
A few-hour’s prior-to dawn I was awakened by the Watch-Men & Jean. Jean had excaped from the Auto-Chthonickal Village where she said my Co-Captain Captain Crandall was in wondrous-dire Danger. That according to some ancient-ritual amongst these People (the Imen they’re called) Crandall would have to fight a Duel to the Death with El Gordo to vy for the Chieftain-Ship of the Village. That the Garter-Snake Woman had turned turn-coat & was staunchly on the Iberian’s side. That the Duel was to be at noon. This sudden-onrush of Strange-Information muddled my Brainz plus she spoke in a fast insistent manner. But after telling her to slow-down & also answer some of my Question’s I reached the Gist of the Situation. She added that she & Gonne had been kept under-guard. But that she had managed to excape by simulating that she was under-going her Menses. For she had surmized that these People was wondrous-abstemious in this Respect. For she had earlier learned that some small Kwanza-Hutt’s out on the out-skirts was reserved for menstrating Women-Folk & that no Man was allowed no-where near-by. For menstrual-blood amongst them is considered a noxious-poison which can robb a Man of his Man-Hood faster then you can say Jacques Robenson in-addition to having other deleterious-affects. So Jean had pantomimed a troubled-look & contriving to slice one of her Fingarz under her skirt then with-drew it whilest the Guards was looking. And holding up her bloodied fingar up in to the Face’s of her captor’s their eyes bulged-out & they ran-out of the Habitation as if it was engulfed in Flames. In-deed Jean laughed at this Recollection despite being wondrous-anxious. Gonne she had told not to come-along with her for she felt that some-one should stay behind to look after Crandall’s best-interest’s now that the Gardener-Snake Woman had turned turn-coat. It was her Opinionation that there was some Womyn no-matter how good you’re friends with who will drop you the second a Man came in-to play. And the more un-deserving the Man the faster you shall be for-saken. So leaving Gunne behind she had fled out in-to the Night & finally gotten here. It was then up to me to decide what should be done next. Truth be told I was flummoxed. For the more I was enformed about how the land lay the more confused I was about just what the Correct-Avenue of Action should be. The application of direct militaristick-force in the form of a surprise-attaque might just end in the Death of Crandall & Gunne. Not to mention some or even all of us. But like-wise just waiting it out was un-preferrable be-cause El Gordo might just get lucky enuff to get the better of Crandall & then where would we be. And should Crandall win it would still require no small-amount of stealth &/or violence to extract him from his Mandatory-Throne. It soon waxed self-evident that the best Course of Action was to return unto the Imen-Village under the Coverture of Night & by stealth skope-out an Opportunity to steal my Co-Captain Captain Crandall away first-chance we got. Immediateley en-listed the aide of the Keyes Bros. to come with Jean & me to the Village. Now I know you are wondering why in Hades I chose of all People the Keye’s Bros. to join us on this Mission. Since many a-time before I have expressed my Opinionation in no dis-certain Term’s that they are a pair of Fool’s. Yet they have Certain-Talent’s which can’t be gain-said in-clusive of which is they’re ability to walk wondrous-quietly when they have a Mind to & mimick the Call’s of Bird’s with maximal-precision. And in spite of their Foolishness or per-hap’s be-cause of it they possess Considerable-Powerz of Improvisation. Plus if Thing’s go south & they get killed we shall not be so sad to lose them compared to Other’s1. So along the Edge of the Lake we crept as quiet as we could, the Melancholy-Cry of the Loon the only sound discernable. When we got to the Village it yet being dark Jean pointed-out to me the Habitation where-in Crandall was. But there was Guard’s set so we did not venture too close. She said that in-side there was at least a docen more Warrior’s so storming it was out-side of the Questionaire. So we discussed Other-Strategem’s & decided that a wait-&-see approach was best. So each of us took-up a different-spot at the Outer-Skirt’s of the Village amongst the Trees & Brush & Darkness. And with different-sets of simulated Bird-Whistle’s we would communicate with one-another. And if all-else failed One of us would come-out in-to the Open with Gun’s emblazoned in-order to create a Distraction. While mean-while the rest of us would try to sweep Crandall & Gunne away to Safety. An Ingenius-Plan by no-mean’s but we had wondrous-little to work-with. I my-self tried to find a hiding-place that afforded a clear-view of the Village especially that of the Maine-Hall where Crandall was stowed. As Day dawned there begun to be some Activity with Folk’s exiting & entrancing some of the Structure’s. And as morning wore-on Thing’s got pretty-busy with much bussle & hussle, People carrying food-stuff’s, admiring one-another’s ward-robe’s, &c., &c. And ’twas self-evident that to-day was some sort of special Holy-Day for these Imen’s. And in-deed it was for they was either to have a New-King to-day or-else have their Current-One re-inaugurated. In-fact they felt as if the Godz2 was coming-down from up on-high & making their Wills known to them thru to-day’s Duel. The Divine & the Mortal meeting. The hob-bob continuated thru-out the Morn but amidst it ’twas impossible to spy-out any sort of Opportunity to free our Comrade’s. I suddenly felt a tapping upon my Shoulder & my Heart did a back-flip. All-ready having my Sword un-sheathed I swung round & just-about skewered Francis-Kaye who was standing right-there in-front of me. Cursed him in a loud-whisper for sneaking-up on me & by various bowing’s & scraping’s he expressed his sorry-ness. He then said that he had been flushed-out from his Hiding-Place by a conglomeration of Auto-Cthonickal Womyn who had strayed too close to him. So before he could be discovered he crept-thru the Wood’s to where I was. So there we 2 was just awaiting for some-thing to transpire. In-fact Daniel3 started to annoy me wondrous-much. For he saw fit to sidle right-up to me & press his Body close-up against mine with his claws dug in-to my Shoulder’s. For it was a rather tight-space there amongst the Plants & Tree-Limbs plus he kept requesting to snatch a look thru the Spy-Glass over my Shoulder. In-deed we seemed to be a Single-Entity with Two-Head’s. He had wondrous-bad Breath as-well. Finally we espied a Yeung-Man stride out in-to the Open with a Ram’s-Horn & give it a good-blow. This obviously being a Signal for the Gruesome-Festivities to begin the People of the Village all emerged from their Habitations & stood-out in-front of them in awaitance of some-thing. They appeared wondrous-gay in their Apparell tricked-out with Head-Wreath’s of Flowerz & their Animal-Skins colourfully empainted with various Ikon’s. The Men un-like the Majority of Auto-Chthone’s do not cultivate Beard’s while most of the Womyn have long-flowing hair that in some Instances trails-down to the Ground. The Men on the whole appear un-commonly Tall while the Womyn is of average-heighth. As was to be expected they was all bare-footed. Suddenly a sharp cry burst out of no-where & shrieks & ululations reverberated thru the Village which pierced deep in-to One’s Ear-Drumz & also One’s Pscyhe. Swerving my Vision over to the Maine-Hall I could see a Group of Humanitie exiting it while the Entire-Village flocked to them in-creasing their Noisesomeness. I briefly caught-sight of my Co-Captain Captain Crandall who was all decked-out in Finery but he was rapidly-obscured by the Back’s of the Auto-Chthone’s. The Maddening-Crowd slowly begun to stretch & slither toward’s the Lake-Side evidentally where the Duelling-Ground’s was to be. I then instructed Daniel to go-over & either by his-self or with his Twin & Jean set-fire to a coupla Habitation’s. And to set-off their Piece’s once they had done-so. Mean-while I would sneak-closer to the Beach & see if the Imen’s would afford me an Opportunity to swoop-in & salvage Crandall once they was dis-tracted by the Fire & Gun-Fire in a Scheme as hair-brained as they come. Following the Procession from behind the Tree-Line I then clumb-up a Tree to get a better view of the Proceeding’s & perhap’s take a coupla Pot-Shot’s once the Up-Roar began. On my way-up a branch gave-way be-neath me with a loudish-snap but it did not signify. For the hob-bob was considerable down there on the Strand what with the chattering of may-be a Coupla-Hundred Voice’s or-so plus some a-rhythmickal drumming. Ascending-higher I was then afforded a more-or-less clear-view of the Proceeding’s. And utilising my Spy-Glass I could make-out the Individualized-Expression’s of the Various-Player’s. All-except for my Co-Captain Captain Crandall who dis-fortunately had his back to me. Spear-wielding Strong-Men possessing Impressive-Set’s of Muscle’s formed a Circule round the Combatent’s & with said Spear’s held side-way’s pushing the Spectator’s back rather-rudely I thought. The Faces of the expectant Crowd mean-while was really some-thing to be-hold. Some appeared all-most frantick & terrour-stricken. Whether be-cause they knew they was about to witness a Gruesome-Spectackle or be-cause they had built-up a lot of good-will toward’s their Current-King & now feared his Death I did not know. While on the obverse-hand Other’s appeared to be the Portraiture of Good-Humour & Jollilitie, laughing &/or grinning & even taking the rather violent pushing’s of the Armed-Guard’s as an amusing-species of Horse-Play. Where-as there was yet Other’s who appeared totally-disconcerned with what was transpiring around them. For they was en-rapt in Conversation with one or two People next to them & One could not tell whether they was debating the Possible-Outcome of the up-coming Duel or else just engaging in rumour-mongering which is par for the course in Village-Life. Were I a Master-Painter I might just attempt to depict the various Expression’s, some grotesque, some comely, some some-where in-between, that I saw on-display thru the eye-piece of my Spy-Glass. And then of-course there was El Gordo. Hardy-recognised him at-first since he’d put-on more than a few Anglickan-Pound’s since I’d last laid-eyes on him. His Cheek’s was more filled-out plus he had what appeared to be a Beer-Belly. Which should of made him appear more healthy but he did not look healthy at-all. For he was wondrous-pallid & his Mouth twitched betwixt his Mustachio’s which trembled like Dead-Fish in the Fist’s of a Fish-Monger. Toyed-with the Ideation of shooting him straight-thru the Heart right there & then. Weighed both the Con’s & Pro’s of it in my Mind but opted not-to since it would not necessarily ensure the Liberation of my Co-Capt. Capt. Crandall. Yet I had my Rifle at the ready supported by a Branch to make for an extra-steady Aim should I need-to. The Battaile-Ground being cleared the Combatants was aided in the stripping-down to their Waist’s & their foot-ware forcibley-removed. Longed to see what status of mind Crandall was currently in as evidenced on his Visage but he kept his Back continually turned to me. Next short Wooden-Spear’s was thrust in-to the Hand’s of Crandall & the Iberian & with this the Drum-Beats died-out. Thought the Duel was then to begin but then a Man or Woman I could not tell which strode in-to the center of the Arena. They was dressed in colourfull outlandish garb & had wild-hair shooting in all Direction’s like an Explosion. Probley some grease or animal-fat had been rubbed in-to it to achieve this Affect. They had they’re face painted in White & Black & growelled & gyrated as they uttered some un-fathomable Phrasalism’s. Assumed they was some specie’s of Holy-Person sanctifying the Rite about to take-place, &c., &c. Mean-while I surveyed the Face of El-Gordo once-again thru my Spy-Glass & he appeared even wanner than before. Looked as if he was about to vomit or faint or some-thing. He held his Weapon pretty half-heartedley as-well & appeared to sway slightly. Could also see he was covered in Sweat which reflected the mid-day Sun. But so wiley a Customer he is that I thought he might just be dis-simulating fatigue or illness or extreme-scaredness just to catch Crandall off-guard. After what seemed like an Aeternitie the Holy-Person wrapped-up their Harangue & walked back-ward’s toward’s the edge of the Arena. And then a Few of the Guards-Men stepped-forth & with the blunted-edge’s of their Spearz prodded the 2 Combatant’s closer to the Center of the Duelling-Ground’s. Strangely there was no cheering nor none of the usual Audience’s shout’s which erupt at Bout’s such as these. In-deed it was now as quiet as Hades. And a Premonition entered in-to me that my Co-Captain Captain Crandall would surely be killed just as sure as you’re born. So immediately with-drawing my Spy-Glass from my Eye I opted to shoot the Iberian down after-all. But my Left-Eye which is what I use to shoot with thru the long-useage of my Spy-Glass had become dis-combobulated when now presented with a different-perspective thru the sight’s of my Rifle. So I could not get an accurate aim at-all my Vision being blurry & I cursed my Olafactory-Organs4 for their Perfidy. And seeing-as how trying to look-down the Barrel of my Rifle too-intently was not aiding Matter’s much I then closed my Eye-Lid’s momentarily to give my Orb’s a rest. But before my Eye’s had been shut no-more than 3-second’s I heard the distinctive-reportage of Fire-Arms off to my Left. And then I could see the Crowd convulse below me & murmurate & look & point toward’s my left as-well. Then El-Gordo begun to convulse & collapsed to the Earth in what looked to be a Seizure. Gave-up on the Ideation of shooting him down since it looked like he was dying any-way’s. Or was it just a Ruse? If-so he was a wondrous-excellent Actor for he begun frothing at the Mouth in convincing-fashion & kicking his legs around as the Garter-Snake Woman knelt-down next to him. But soon all of the Auto-Chthone’s abandonated both him & my Co-Captain Captain Murray5 there alone on the Strand. For all-tho I could not see the conflageration its-self the Smoke from it was now wafting in-front of me. Blessing Jean & the Keyes I clambered-down from my Tree but I was not as rapid as I wanted to be. For my Agitation was immense & my Rifle encumbered me much. When finally I had made it to the Battaille-Ground there the Kaye’s & Gunne & Jean was & they was in the process of carrying El-Gordo from off the Field of Battle & in-to the Woods with the Garter-Snake Woman in-tow. I axed them what in Hades they was doing & ordered them to immediately drop the Iberian on pain of Court-Martial. Saw zero-reason why we should not just leave him where he was for doubt-less he would of done no-less if not worse with us. But up-stepped Crandall who counter-manded my Order which vexed me wondrous-much. But none-the-less I did not debate it seeing as how that would only further-delay our Excape. Glancing-toward’s the Village I could see the Fire was rapidly-spreading from Building to Building. And as I witnessed the dis-fortunate Imen’s fruitlessly-trying to squelch the Flame’s I marvelled at the Efficacy of our Plan which had once seemed so dammed hair-brained. Clearly I had chosen-wisely in bringing-along the Kayes. But I also just felt it was a Shame to see such well-constructed Home’s destroyed like that. Plus when you ponder it carefully the Imen’s was innocent & didn’t deserve this since they was just following Tradition after-all. Once we had penetrated the Tree-Line the Kayes & Gunne much a-wearied set the Iberian down for a brief-respite & I once-again said that it would be better if we just left him there to his own Imminent-Doom. And to my Surprisal El-Gordo expressed his approval of my Proposition thru gritted-teeth. For he said he was in wondrous-grievous paine & was sure that he believed that he was a-dying. But incomprehensably Crandall would not hear of it but insisted that he be carried-back to our Encampment. For “According to Amerikan Martial-Code,” he said, “we are prohibited from leaving any Man behind, living or dead or in-between.” But I objected that El Gordo all-tho he had been part of our Expedition once upon a time had not only abandonated us but also actively betrayed us at many a Pointe in the Past. Which to my Mind washed-clean away any Responsibilities for him on our Parte. The Iberian his-self was of the self-same Mind as me muttering: “I obscenitie in the Milch of you’re Amerikan Martial-Code! Leave me here to die, Godz dammit! For I am in enormous-paine, don’t you see?! And I have no wish to join-up with you Gringoes againe nor do I want to be ‘King of the Bosque’ any-longer! For I have grown-tired of my Existence which is why I want you to kill me! Kill me now!” The Sincerity of his Word’s was attested-to by the strained, pained manner in which they was uttered as-well as by the Foam intra-mixed with Blood which was oosing from out of his Mouth. In-deed he appeared to be under-going wondrous-great Tortures. And the Iberian seeing that we was hesitating begun to curse us in both Anglickan & Castillian till Crandall with the merest of glaunces signalled unto me that he was now in full-aquiescience. So un-sheathing my Pistol I stepped-forth to do the Deed. But my Hand was stayed by a Strong-Hand gripping my Wrist. And swiveling my Neck to see who the Possessour of the Strong-Hand was I found it was none-other than the Garter-Snake Woman. Who all this Time had been silently standing-by a-wash in Tears till she had grabbed me by the Wrist. Thought at-first she was attempting to deter me but she by so-many Gesture’s indicated that she wished to be the One. Faltered for a Moment but so serious did she appear that I could not help but aquiesce. But un-fortunately she had never fired a Fire-Arm before so amidst her Tear’s & the painfull-groan’s of El Gordo we had to have a short Tutouring-Session for her. It was none-other than the Kaye’s Bros. who volunteered to be her Tutour’s which was mighty-nice of them. But dis-fortunately it took longer than was optimal for the Kaye’s according to their Foolish-Nature’s begun to argue & debate about the Best-Way to slay El-Gordo. Specifically where the end of the barrell should be applied. Whether it should be applied directly to the Template6 or-else betwixt the Eye’s or in-stead straight to the Heart. Whether the end of the barrell should be directly applied so it was touching the Skin or whether it should be held a little distance off in-order to give the Ball just a little-more Time to accelerate. My Co-Capt. Captain Crandall as-well as my-self then waxed wondrous-angry at these typickal Kaye Shenanigan’s & just instructed the Gardener-Snake Woman to place the end of the barell to the Iberian’s Template & be done with it. Which she meekly complied-with with Salinated-Tear’s coursing-down her Face & both her Hand’s gripping the Gun all a-tremble. El Gordo seeing his Paramour now levelling the Weapon at him appeared to be momentarily freed from his Torture’s. And looking her placidley in his Executioner’s Face said: “Acuerdate, my Amour, acuerdate: El Amour mata, el Amour mata.” Then there was Bang & a Puff of Smoke. But when the Smoke dis-sipated we witnessed a wondrous-gruesome sight. For so errant had been her Aim despite the short-distance no-doubt due-to her extreme perturbance she had some-how managed to miss her Intended-Target. And in-stead of blowing his Brainz out she had blowed his Nose off. And with flattened-face & blood bubbling-up from the ghastly-wound the poor-basterd begun to scream & kick-out his Legs as if in Bacchanalian-Excstacie’s. We all stood there aghast witnessing these Fresh-Horrour’s. Till my Co-Captain Captain Crandall had the Prescience o’ Mind to with-draw his Sabre & plunge it in-to the Heart of El-Gordo. Who’s Leg’s kicked-out one-last Time & then came to a Rest as did the Rest of his Body which was now as still as the Tumulus. It could not of been more-than 5-second’s that we stood there frosen & gawking when we heard cries & shout’s none-too far-off from us. And taking this as our Queue7 we instantaneouslie fled. Except-for the Garter-Snake Woman who placed one Last Tender Kiss on the Cold-Brow of her Paramour before she too ran-way with the Rest of us. We sprinted round the rim of the Lake exerting all our Energie’s. For you could be sure that once the Imen’s discovered that both their Present & Futuristick King had both absconded they would not fail to pursue us no Matter what the Net-Cost. Before-long we had arrived-back at our Encampment & we yelled at the Men to get packed-up pronto. And appreciable was the Chaos as the Corpse scrambled-about & got in each-other’s Way & run-into one-another as they attempted to pack-up their Thing’s on such wondrous-short Notice. My Co-Capt. Captain Crandall’s wrath waxed so great at all this tom-foolerie that he was cursing the Men vehementlie & unconsciouslie grasping the Hilt of his Sabre as if about to un-sheathe it & run some-body clean-thru just-as he’d just-done with El Gordo. But soon we was all on our Way to the East running thru the Wood’s as fast as our Limb’s could carry us. Those that had stayed-behind at our Encampment not-yet fully-fathoming what had occurred back at the Imen-Village was eagre as Hades to be de-briefed. But we forbade the saying of any-thing till we was far, far away. For we have found it a wondrous-annoying Habbit amongst the Corpse that they can-not engage in Conversation nor the relation of any Anecdote with-out stopping stock-still for some Reason. Some-one say’s some-thing to make some-one else think & then that Other-Person pauses dead in his Tracks & axes for Clarification. So then the first Some-One also has to stop which mean’s Every-Body else has to halt as-well since we’ve all-ready got 2-People who have halted. Then the Other’s also get wrapped-up in the Conversation & it require’s wondrous-much prodding & coaxing just to get the Group going againe. It’s like they are unable to do 2-Thing’s at the self-same Time. As if their Legg’s & their Mouth’s are connected by a cable so that if one is in use the other has to sit-idle. So every-time they begged to know what had happened we just told them to shut-up upon paine of Court-Martial. On-ward’s we proceeded with maximal-haste the Remain’s of the Day over Hill & thru Dale, crossing several Small-Streams we did not deign to name for Lack of Leisure-Time. Appreciably-after sun-set we ran-on till being un-able to discern any-thing on such a Moon-Less Night we halted. And no fire was a-lit nor no Talk was engaged-in for Fear of attracting the Attention’s of our Pursuer’s. Came probley I don’t know about 22 Anglickan-Mile’s to-day in-total.
Illustration by De Robles
Doubtless Murray is being sarcastic here.
Murray has forgotten that the Imens like all the Autochthones of the Amerikan East are monotheists.
Murray had earlier said it was Francis who had crept up on him.
Murray is a little confused here, since olfactory organs pertain to the sense of smell, not vision.
Crandall
Temple
Cue