[Crandall] Moonday the 5th of July, 1802
Coultier having lost her Babe yesterday we decided to stay here another Day—while additionally my Comred Murry apparently has been bitten by a Serpant & he waxes feverish & weak, pour retch. I tended to him while GSW tended to Culter whom I much feared would go the Way of her Babe but latterly in the Mourning she begun to revivifey. And the Boyz not knowing what to say unto her they just walked up to her when they saw she was reawakened & in cingle phile1 removed their Hats & held them to their Breast’s & bowed their Head’s for a few second’s before making way for the next one, a Gesture which did them much Accreditation I think. Via GSW whom it seem’s she was the only one confiding her Wishes to it was expressed that in so many Scyllable’s Culter wished to immolate the Body of her Babe fourthwidth. So I instantaneouslie despatched the Men to go out & gather as much Comestibles2 as possible which they did with Energie’s which ran clean contrary to their parched, tristfull State—for we are all-most compleatley depleted of Water & after Month’s upon Month’s of a suprabundance of which we are now faced with the Absolut Apposite3 which I’m afraid our Constitution’s simpley can not tolerate. And before one was well aware of it there was a sizeable mound of Sage Brush & Tumbel Weedz setting out there about Fifty Anglickan Yard’s from the Mouth of our Cave. The Babe’s Remain’s being enrapt in a Dearskein it was then taken up by Coulter who appeared most frail & sadd, shuffling in her raggedy Clothes outword’s toward’s the Pyre with her Melancholy Burthen, gruffly rebuffing any & all Attempt’s to help her ambulate, begging that quote unquote “No Stupid Poem’s be rehearsed nor no Song’s be sung” & that all be done as per Tradition—that is that the traditional Death Chaunts & Prayers be uddered by Reverend Harqueness, her Babe’s Ashes be consumed by the Fire, & a small Tumulous be created & that’s it. The Tiny Bundel being wedged in the brush pyle the Reverand Harqueness then begun to babel in a polyglott of Greek, Latin, & Anglickan but he soon paused & bowing his head said, “Sorry Chapps, I just can’t do this. If there was any kind of Devine Intelligences driving this Universe they wouldn’t allow such a Thing to happen: for a Babe to be bourne malformed & die even before taking it’s first breath. Just no pointe in it: just a pointless Waist of Time & Energy & an Insult to any One with half a Hart which I take personnelly.” The Men genitally4 chid him for this, saying they understood his Sentiment’s but insisted he go on with the Right5 but he insisted that he simply could not: that he had in Fact missplaced his Faith long ago & he had long since just been going thru the Motion’s as per his Clergickal Dutie’s & at Time’s tried to talk his Self back in to his Faith & even force his Self to believe again but he had lost the necessary Imaginative Powerz needed to suspend Disbelief & now just wanted to be free—free from all the selflacerations, free from all the protending6 & just live as a Simple Mountain Man with the Beauties & Wonderz of Nature as the object of his Ah rather than all the theologickall acrobaticks & spiritual legalisms that was part & purcell of his Trade. Plus it seamed like Sacriledge to preside over Religious Right’s seeing as how his Hart just wasn’t in it. But the Men kept begging him, some even going so far as to insist that since he didn’t believe in the Godz then sacriledge ceazed to exist so he should just go ahead & do the Right’s any way. But to this he just shook his Head & walked away out in to the Dessert, a lonesome prophetick Figurine just trying to find his place in the Universe, pour retch. The Corpse was mighty disappointed & kept calling out after him till Coultier said, “Just let him go. It don’t matter any way’s.” So setting the Brush Pyle alite it became an Inferno all most instantaneouslie & burned away at such a Rate that it quickly became selfevident that there was not sufficient fuel to last out the Immolation of the Babe’s Remains, minute as they was—so the Men ran in all Direction’s to collect more & this tiny Funeral became a madcap scene in stead of what it should of been, which was a solemn One. For the Boyz at random dashed in & flung some Sage’s Brush upon the Fyre & then dashed away again just as quickly, oft Time’s running in to one an Other ending up being flung to the ground cursing & after collecting their Selves running off only to reenact the selfsame Scene again. For the Vegetation was vary dry & combusted all most at the vary Instant that the Flames touched it, so you can imagine with what Industry the Fyre required to be kept up with. Amidst all this I took the Libertie of looking upon the pour disfortunate Coltier who appeared most understandabley miserable at first gasing disconsolantley in to the Flamez which was refracted in her Eyez but then as the Boyz enacted their farcicalities with dashing in & out & running in to one another she eventually erupted into Laughter—but it ’twas a Laughter not all together liteharted but laced with a madd sort of Dispair. Finally it appeared that the Bundel had sufficiently disintegrated for the Men to ceize their Toyle’s & to begin the construction of the Tumulous. Having preserved two goverment issue Shovelle’s, GSW & my Self set to work as the rest of the Men retreated unto our Cave & it’s Shade which is where they partook of the vary last of the Water which we had on Hand, graciously sharing it out amongst them giving my Comred Moray moore then his Fare Share since he yet lay supine suffering from the after affect’s of a serpent bite. Mean while just as GSW & my Self was finishing laying Sand upon the yet Smouldering Remains of the pour misshapen Babe who shall for ever remain nameless & as Colteir who yet continuated to emit muffled giggles & guffaws like a Madd Woman which frightened me much for she did not weep as One would expect some One in her Position to do, up stepped some Alien Figures whom in my thirsty, tired state I at first mistook for Naturalle parts of the Naturalle Landscape so surreptitiously did they glide in to the Scene as if wafted there by a Silent Breese rather than on their own Twin Feat. There was three of them—three Autochthonickal Mail’s all most totally Naked, with grizzled beards & wiery Physicks7, toting Bows but not brandishing them at us, just looking quissically upon us in our Endeavour’s. One of them, the Elderliest by the Look’s of Him, raised his rite hand & proclaimed, “Buenos dias.” I wished him like wise but then he begun to speak rapidly with a Straunge Accent so that I had no choice but to request that Coultier serve as Interpater despite her upset state. But she appeared most eagre & ready to fulfill such a Roll for as every Body know’s the best remedy for Grief is hurling one’s Self in to One’s Work. And engaging in a Lengthy Diatribe in Kastillianne with him of which I could apprehend only a few randomised Scraps eventually Coltier related that these Fellowz had seen our Fyre from afar & had come to investigate; that they came from a Village ensconced in the Rock’s not so far from here; that they invited us to come back with them to said Village; that they had food & water enuff to share with us; that they had never heard of Amerika but that they had occasional contact with the Iberian’s who dwelt to the South of here; that the Elder Mann who had done most of the speaking had growed up in an Iberian Reform School for Autochthone’s; that his People was called the Natiramas; that they have resided in these Area’s for Time immemorial & have few to none Rival’s since these Territories are so dammed desolate. They additionally wished to know just what sort of Activity we was currantly engaged in & having been enformed by Culter that we was in the Process of burying her Dead Childe, they expressed their sincere Condolation’s & was mighty sorry for interrupting us. But Colter had replyed that it was no Bigg Deal: that the Childe had died in childberth before any Reel Bondage’s of Affection had been formed betwixt Mother & Childe. The Other Corpse Member’s having espied we was in conversational intercourse with Stranger’s begun to arouse them Selves from their Slumber’s, stand up, & encroach nearer but I waived them off telling them that all was okeh & for them to just sit rite back down for I did not wish that they would frighten our wouldbe Host’s. For seeing as how they said they possessed Water which we had run out of & also foodstuff’s which likewise we was running out of I did not wish to endanger their Goodwhill by any of the Men’s Usual Antiques8. In Deed so seamingly kindley bent was these Natiramas unto us that they even aided us in the construction of the Tumulous, scooping up Sand with their Bear Handz & flinging it upon the Ashes of the Diseased9 Babe who shall for ever remain Nameless: for Coultier insist’s on not giving it a Name. In Fact just as we was finishing she said she was in fact “Relieved to be rid of the Thing” which we all found quite schocking but we did not say any Thing for ’tis overabundantly evident that the pour retch is out of her Cense’s from Grief & Physickal Strain. This Sordid Busyness being terminated we obediently fallowed our Guides who walked out ahead of us at a steady yet relaxed pace, their Bear Feat10 impervious to the Ground’s Heet, their Back’s turned toward’s us which bespoke their faith in us which like wise instilled a complementary faith in them with in our Breastwerk’s. The Elder who did the bulk of the conversing’s name was Paco, a Kastillian Name which had been bestowed on him at a yeung age & which he’d conserved down thru the Yearz. My Comrade Murray had to be carried by the Men for he is mighty week11 from the Snake Byte & I fret much for his Wellness, & in Deed after being enformed of his ailment Paco said that they had a Medicinal Mann in their Village who could curate12 him with the gratest of Eaze, for Serpent Bite’s was as commune as [this space left blank] amongst them & Treatment was simple. So onward’s we walked thru this Dessert Land till we came to a Monumental Rock which we rounded the Basis of till to our deep amase we was presented with a Site unpresidented so far on our Journey’s. For ’twas there, set back in the Rock, that there was a Golden Metropolice consisting of Buildings of Sev’ral Stories looming high up of rather regal yet simple Character save for various circular window’s & portal’s thru which we did see no One peeping or passing. All was as silent as the Tumulous as we crept up the narrow stairway leading up to this marvelle of Autochthonickal Construction, & as we drew closer to the erections we could see they was constructed of a sort of concrete consisting of Sand & Klay & water with larger Stones & some wooden beames for support. Smooth the Walls’ was to the touch & agreeable to look upon, & the Corpse as a Hole13 praised the kraftsmanshippe finding it aesthetickally pleasureable. As we passed various windows & portals we also was afforded glimpses of the Life taking place inside: Families strewn upon the Floor eating, Yeungling’s playing Games, Folk’s taking “Ciesta’s,” Other’s engaged in some form of exorcise or maybe Prayer, on their knees bowing forward’s with arms outspread then raising them to the ceiling & back down againe, some engaged in weaving woven Matt’s, Other’s puddering around doing who know’s what: you’re basick Domestick Scene’s enacted in every Hamlet & City from here to Timbucktwo. Few turned up their Head’s to notice us so enrapt they was in their Quotidian Tasque’s but those few who did cast us benevolent looks with slight grins which infused in one an Opinion that these People was to be trusted. So much so that I was even moore upon my Garde, for such wormth & openness in this World especially evinced toward’s Stranger’s makes One worry that it is just playacting or what’s more disguises Sinister Design’s. Finally near the top we came unto a large airie Hall with absolutely no furniture but bestrewn with woven Matt’s & a Fyre which was tended to by some Crone’s of Kindly Countenance along with various Klay Pott’s of various sizes lining the Wallz, a Hall most cool & well-ventilated despite the Raging Heet outside & the Fyre inside. “Pour favour sientanse,” said Paco & we sat down as instructed carefully lowering down my pour disfortunate Cumred Moray who was sweating profusively & who let out a quiet groan as his Back encountered the Floor. Paco mean while conversed with the Crones who went over to some receptacle’s & with drew some Bowel’s14 & going over to a large cistern in the coroner15 started to fill them up with Water, the Corpse eyeing all this transpire in a State of Pure Messmarism. When the first Bowel’s was dispensed the Men’s thirst o’ercame all cense of Decorum & they slarped it down ravenouslie not even allowing them Selves to breathe which precipitated their near choking on that which was meant to revivify them. But I cannot say as I blame them for when I got my Bowel I found the Water with in to be the coolest, tastiest, most refreshingest Water I had e’er drunk in all my Lyfe, barr none. The Other’s begging for second’s & third’s & fourths which the Crone’s did humour them in despite my pleading’s for them to pace their Selves, & sure enuff eventually that which they had drunk up ended up disgorged all over the Floor of our goodley Host’s. I then chid the Men in no uncertain Term’s for their Gluttonousness & then the Medicinal Mann was brung in, a diminutive Chapp whom after discursing with Paco, Jean, & my Self, rather lengthilly mite I add for each udderance had to processed thru three diffarent Tong’s, a rather tortuous & circuitous Process. During this conversation Paco remarqued with sorrowfull Countenance & a genital pat applicated on my Left Shoulder that he & his People felt vary sorry for us for never before had they seen such an Abject Group of Retches in their Lives, that even tho we was complete Alien’s unto them & our reel Porposes unknown & also taking in to Accompt the Fact that we carried Gunz with us & being in possession of such fyrepourer we could doubtless o’ertake their Peacefull City & massacre the majority of them in no Time at all the vary site of us had instilled in them such Pity for our dirty, brutish, disgusting, dishevelled outkast State that they had opted to wellcome us with opened Armz & that they now hoped we would not betray their trust. For which I thanked him & assured him betray their trust we should not. After further discursiveness the Status of my Comred Mory’s health having been arrived at the Medicinal Mann who was rather diminutive in Stature & possessed a rather Puckish Aire about him grunted as if he had parfectly fathomed every Thing & knew just what to do barqed out ordures at the Krone’s who set about heeting up some Water & then he knelt down by my Comred Murry’s side & investigated the Wound with much thoroughness & also applicated his Hand to various partes of his Body, Morry in a dased State not reacting to none of it, pour retch. He had earlier been given a little water by me & had managed to swallow precious liddel of it, so dased & weak he was, which made me fear much that his Existance on this Earth was in dyer parrell16. The Water being heated the Medicinal Mann delved in to his Loinclothe & extracted some dryed bits of some Thing which he cast in to the Water & begun to stir it with a Wooden Spoon. His Loinclothe let it be said was rather scanty & I could not help but surmise that these Herbs or what ever they was had been resting snugg against his Genetalia but bowing to his medickal expertise I withheld my Piece17. This Elixir being readied my Comred Murrie’s wound was douced with it & also he was bade to drink of it which like a Goode Pacient he dully did sans complaint even tho as he later confided to me it had to of been the awfullest Thing he’d ever tasted of in his entire Existance, bitter & astringent as Hades. After the Corpse’s Stomach’s had becalmed them Selves we was treated to a meagre meal of dried meat (originating from Reptiles & Hyena’s) & a course18 hard Bread made from nondeterminate Ingredients: sumptuous Fare by no mean’s but we did not complain. We was also treated to more servings of water but I fourwarned the Men to be extra cautious about how much liquidity they was introducing in to their Cystem’s a fourwarning which this time they seamed to heed. Axxing where they managed to collect such vast Quantities of such refreshing Water Paco told me that that was a Secret. Next axxed him what the Politickal Structure was of his Village & he replied that the only thing that ruled was “La Voz de la Hente,” which I took to be a true democracy but the moore he talked about it it transmorgrified in my Mind in to some Thing a bit different—for no voting took place as such nor no commune assemblie where matter’s was debated but rather conversations randomly happened in various households till matter’s eventually came in to Focuss & then the proper meazures was then taken as if by Secondary Nature. Heedless to say Problem’s did not necessarily get fixed rite away, yet there was little need for Haste considering their Circumstance’s, which was mighty Spartan & simple despite their rather Grandiose Dwelling’s. For long ago they had been much as Other People’s was—jealous of Rivalz, looking for every & any Advantauge, striving for constant upward mobility, materialistick as Hades, trying to carve out an ever bigger Peace of the Proverbial Pi19 sociopolitickally speaking both individuallistically & as a Nation, at constant war with Other People’s, with each Other, with Them Selve’s—but then a Visionary had arisen amongst them & propounded a different way of doing Thingz, of removing them Selves to unwanted Landz so bereft of Resources that no one laid any Claimancy to them, of living a stripped down sort of lifestyle which no Other’s would ever dare to envy. With Tearz nearly coming in to my Eyes I axxed what the Name of this Visionary was & Paco then said that this Mann (& who know’s, it could of even of been a Feemale) so fearfull that he slash she would be revered & eventually worshipped expressly forbade that his slash her name should be remembered but rather pass on in to Oblivian while also stipulating that no Image or pictorial representation of them ever be constructed, said Stipulation’s holding true for all Aeternitie. Paco his Self had come here as a sort of Refugee after having escaped the Iberian Reformatory School which had denied him his Native Tong & forced him to wear illfitting Kastillian Clothing the mamory of which still caused him to itch at Time’s. For he had heard whisper’s that there had existed such a Place farr off in the Dessert’s to the North & after a long wandering along with a Fellow escapee who unfortunately had died in the Dessert due to privations we as a Corpse was all too well acquainted with, some wandering Hunterz from this vary Village stumbled upon him & gave him shelter just as he had done with us & for this he has felt his Self to be numbered amongst the Aeternally Blessed. A vary stirring Storey but I know not how much of it can be said to be objectivistickally true. I enquired more about the Tenants20 that this second Solon had installed in his Society & axxed him to set them down on Paper since I felt they would be of no little Interest to Amerikaan’s back home. I have here inserted what he wrote in rather faultering Hand on a separate Piece of Paper which I gave unto him for I did not wish to reliquench our full Journal in to his Care since adjudging by the Pace with which he writ it would surely take hour’s upon hour’s to penn it for as he his Self admitted he had writ no Thing not for these past 40 Year’s. The Next Day having produced it unto me I thanked him heartilly & along with Coultier’s help I was abel to decipher it & think it a remarkable production of Autochthonickal Whitt & no mean contribution to the Philosophickal Evolution of Mankinde. In Deed I was so taken with some of the Phrasalism’s & Sentiment’s expressed so pithilly that I spent much of the Day poring over them thinking them rival’s of some of the best of the Maxim’s of the Ancient Wise Men, dovetailing nicely with much of what Kleosiddarthos says. After dining I bestowed a Medallion upon Paco which he kindly excepted21 on behalf of all his People & we also gave him a Kettle but he said he’d rather not have it for they was parfectly satisfied with the Equipment they had on Hand & required no Innovation’s. Neither would he partake of the Banadanas we had on Hand nor the Pocket Mirrours for they as a People eschewed unnecessary adornments or objects conducing to Vanity which I applaud them for, for as Kleosiddarthos points out once a New Invention is introduced in to a Society it pervades all Aspects & Areas usually for the worse22. In Deed there are many stryking similitudes betwixt Kleosiddarthus & this People’s Nameless Visionary so much so that I harbour a Theory that some how this Sage had acquired knowledge of Kleosiddarthos’s Teaching’s from the Iberian’s & adaptated them to his own Milieu23. We expended the Nite in the Grate Hall previously mentioned with my Cumrad Murry showing zero Sign’s of Improvement which preoccupied me much. We set Watch Men despite the Natiramas’s extreme Hospitality for One can never be too carefull as a Captain, relying on One’s Instinct’s & Feeling’s being One of the stupidest Thing’s One can do in Circumstance’s such as our’s.
Illustration by De Robles
Single-file
Combustibles?
Opposite
Gently, presumably.
Rite
Pretending
Physiques
Antics, presumably.
Deceased
Bear feet
Weak
Cure
Whole
Bowls
Corner
Dire peril
Held my peace, presumably.
Coarse
Piece of the pie
Tenets
Accepted
This is a general summary of the fourth book of The Analects of Kleosiddarthos.
Unfortunately, the maxims which Paco wrote out have not come down to us.